PONDERED.

A Vow

2011-11-02T01:19:00.000+08:00

(Words that used to be...)

You're always lighting up my heart with the things you say.
I feel so happy just being with you this way.
You're my hero, and will forever be my knight.
And from this moment on you will always be my life.
So please never give up, always believe
that someday the gift of love you deserve will be achieved.

Every time I think of you my heart misses a beat.
You're my theme for a dream! You're my evening retreat.
Every moment we share together I grow closer to you.
The feeling is so spontaneous and always true.
I'm simply hanging by a moment,
like time is one valuable present,
waiting to see you again so you can hold me so tight
that all else fades and everything becomes alright.

I will never forget you. I hope you think of me too.
That in the scorching heat, you are the cold wind that blew.
I love you with all that I am, all that I was and all that I will ever be.
That in this life clouded with doubt, you make me see the way clearly.
Please know that my love and I are inseparable,
I thank fate in having you even if time with you is ample.
I would want it no other way
and if time could express my love for you then it's forever and a day.

I can't wait to be with you,
to see your smile, look in your eyes and feel your sweet touch too,
to hear your perfect words and kiss your perfect lips,
I just can't wait to be with you, my heart now skips.
I wish you understand how much I love you now,
then maybe, just maybe, you would tell me how,
how to let go when my time to love you must come to an end,
Do I need to go away and pretend that this never happened?
Or would you still let me love you even from afar,
so you can still feel like you are being watched like the sea to a star.

The clock may be ticking on me to love you
better, so I can show you love everyday anew.
I now look to the future and forget the past,
your life is mine for now and I will make it last.
I love you more today than I did yesterday,
and I'll love you more tomorrow than I do today.
This I vow to be forever true,
Always and always remember that I love you.

I Do.

2011-09-30T16:58:00.002+08:00

“I want a church wedding.”

He blurted.

Those were the only words he said.
The only words I’ll ever need.
To make all fears disappear.
To make all the nightmares go away.
To lock blurry images of my future in a sturdy steel box
and seal my fate with his.

He never asked, “will you marry me?”.
None of those “will you be my wife?” questions.

He just said he wants a church wedding.
Like he has lost himself from some deep reverie.

But those words were enough to put tears and a smile into my face.

Like the whole universe suddenly became so small for me to be breathe in.
Like the stars that night would suddenly collapse and head straight to where I was.
I felt everything… Fear. Love.
Both security and uncertainty.
Happiness and sadness.
I told myself “I deserve this” but immediately asked, “Do I?”

But his arms, locking my whole body to press his, gave me the one thing I have to think of.
His lips touching mine answers all the doubts I have.
That he’s sure about what he said.
That he’s the “marrying type” (quoting him) and that all he knows now is that he loves me…
That we love each other.
And that’s all that matters.

I love him and that’s all that matters.

If not for him, I wouldn’t know what true love really meant.
I’d never feel this inner peace;
I couldn’t be content.

If not for him, I’d never have the pleasures of romance.
I’d miss the bliss, the craziness.
Of love’s sweet, silly dance.

I have to feel his tender touch;
I have to hear his voice;
No other one could take his place;
He’s it; I have no choice.

If not for him, I’d be adrift;
I don’t know what I’d do;
I’d be searching for my other half,
Incomplete, if not for him;

If not for you.

And I just want you to know…

I want a church wedding too!

Why Gibo Almost Had My Vote

2010-05-08T23:46:00.000+08:00

I chose not to practice my right to suffrage.

I have been exposed to political issues even before I learned the multiplication table. I have experienced those brownouts during Cory's time, how the fluctuating price of "galunggong" (a local mackerel) had been an economic indicator (not the price of petrol), when Meralco electric bills went up because of the increase in the number of Independent Power Providers (IPPs) in the country to help solve our power outage problems. Growing up I enjoyed watching Erap's impeachment trial religiously, like it's a telenova that's just hard to miss. I got fired up by EDSA II and loathed EDSA III (???). I also joined high school and college debates on political issues concerning the youth not just for the extra grades but also for the beauty of defending your stand on these matters.

Despite all that, I chose not to vote.

Not because getting yourself registered is one hell of a task but practically because growing up I learned that elections only have you choose for the lesser evil when in an ideal society, my vote should go for the one who is not evil. I am not saying our society should first be ideal before they could get me to vote and I am not also proud to not practice my social rights to suffrage (I remember chatting with an old friend and we both reminisced and agreed that the last time we ever voted was for our high school student council election). Not voting now is something I am not proud of but it's a choice I made so I wouldn't have eventual disappointments years after. We have had 14 Presidents all in all, and I don't know of any one who have been voted and left the presidency without people who protested against him/her and pleaded for his/her resignation in more than one occasion. Not entirely because the head of state had really been at fault but whether we like it or not, whether we believe it or not, we Filipinos, even as we claim to be very independent and socially well-rounded, are very much afraid of change/s and not very trusting of our fellowmen.

There were the issues of VFA, Magna Carta, Charter Change and even this automated election we would be using on Monday and always, once announced/leaked, you would have people (same faces) marching off the streets with iconic images of whoever the president is and would ask for his/her resignation. I get that it's just a natural reaction to change. Because change is something that is unknown. And something that is unknown causes panic. I also get why we are not so trusting of our fellowmen. When you're in the Philippines, try sitting next to a snatcher inside a jeepney or ride a cab if you're going someplace you don't know and do that the next time and you would notice the big difference in the meter reading. But there is still the big room to question ourselves, if we don't trust our fellowmen, how can they or us (reversing the context towards ourselves) become trustworthy? That not all shabby men we sit next to inside a public vehicle or not all cab drivers have wrong, malicious and bad intentions.

Bottomline here is, we judge too early.

We judge now that this person would be a good enough head of state and later disappoint ourselves because he is gesturing changes in the ways we live. We keep asking for change to happen, for something to stop, but whenever somebody raises a finger to act on that plea, we end up judging the person again too early as someone who wants to disrupt the status quo. I'm telling you, if this election happened the same week when former President Cory died, I am 100% sure that Noynoy would have won the elections even before he has decided to run.

But looking at the roster of candidates we have now, I can only sigh in disappointment for not registering to vote this year. Disappointed that I judged them all too early. Because there was this one man who, all throughout the campaign period, has been a true gentleman.

To hell with credentials (even when I know he has one at par compared to the others) and with the issues he is being abashed with (even when I know that the issues they have of him is not his in the first place - was it his fault that he is a Cojuanco and that he served in the Dept. of Defense under GMA?). I have read his platform of governance and they were impressive for a candidate. I have seen the debates and he was the only one you wouldn't be ashamed of to put beside Obama or beside other heads of states because you know he would have a fruitful conversation with them. But there is one ultimate reason why I would want him to win.

If only I could vote I am voting for him simply because of all the presidential candidates we have, he is the only one who doesn't point his fingers even when sometimes there's a need to. He doesn't have a negative campaign. And that tells us what kind of a person, of a man, he is. That when put into a position of authority, I would like to judge him this soon as someone who wouldn't point his fingers in times of change, in times of conflict. That he will take responsibility for a decision made. Because that's the type of leader we need nowadays. Someone we cannot trust, perhaps - atleast not at this point, but atleast someone who would take credit for his actions and does what he says he will do.

This coming Monday I cannot vote. I will not vote. That is why Gilberto "Gibo" Teodoro almost had my vote.

The One That Got Away

2010-02-28T00:23:00.007+08:00

(Reposted)

In your life, you’ll make note of a lot of people.

Ones with whom you shared something special, ones who will always mean something. There’s the one you first kissed, the one you first loved, the one you lost your virginity to, the one you put on a pedestal, the one you’re with…and the one that got away.

Who is the one that got away? I guess it’s that person with whom everything was great, everything was perfect, but the timing was just wrong.

There was no fault in the person, there was no flaw in the chemistry, but the cards just didn’t fall the right way, I suppose.

I believe in the fact that ending up with someone, finding a longtime partner that is, does not lie merely in the other person.

I can actually argue that an equal part, or maybe even the greater part, has to do with the matter of timing. It has to do with you being ready to settle down and commit to someone in a way that goes beyond the little niceties of giddy romance.

How often have you gone through it without even realizing it?

When you’re not ready to commit in that mature manner, it doesn’t matter who you’re with, it just doesn’t work. Small problems become big; inconsequentials become deal breakers simply because you’re not ready and it shows. It’s not that you and the person you’re with are no good; it’s just that it’s not yet right, and little things become the flashpoint of that fact.

Then one day you’re ready. You really are. And when this happens you’ll be ready to settle down with someone. He or she may not be the most perfect, they might not be the brightest star of romance to ever have burned in your life, but it’ll work because you’re ready. It’ll work because it’s the right time and you’ll make it work.

And it’ll make sense, it really will.

So that day comes when you’re finally making sense of things, and you find yourself to be a different person. Things are different, your approach is different, you finally understand who you are and what you want, and you’ve become ready because the time has truly arrived. And mind you, there’s no telling when this day will come. Hopefully you’re single but you could be in a long-term relationship, you could be married with two kids, it doesn’t matter. All you know is that you’ve changed, and for some reason, the one that got away, is the first person you think about.

You’ll think about them because you’ll wonder, “What if they were here today?” You’ll wonder, “What if we were together now, with me as I am and not as I was?” That’s what the one that got away is. The biggest “What if?” you’ll have in your life.

If you’re married, you’ll just have to accept the fact that the one that got away, got away. Believe me, no matter how fairy tale you think your marriage is, this can happen to the best of us.

But hopefully you’re mature enough to realize that you’re already with the one you’re with and this is just another test of your commitment, one which will just strengthen your marriage when you get past it. Sure, you’ll think about him/her every so often, but it’s alright. It’s never nice to live with a “might have been,” but it happens.

Maybe the one that got away is the one who’s already married. In which case it’s the same thing. You just have to accept and know that your memories of that person will probably bring a nice little smile to your lips in the future when you’re old and gray and reminiscing.

But if neither of that is the case, then it’s different. What do you do if it’s not yet too late? Simple…find him, find her.

Because the very existence of a “one that got away” means that you’ll always wonder, what if you got that one?

Ask him out to coffee, ask her out to a movie, it doesn’t matter if you’ve dropped in from out of nowhere. You’d be surprised, you just might be “the one that got away” as well for the person who is your “the one that got away.”

You might drop in from out of nowhere and it won’t make a difference. If the timing is finally right, it’ll all just fall into place somehow and you know, I’m thinking, it would be a great feeling, in the end, to be able to say to someone, “Hey you, you’re the one that ALMOST got away.”

A New Sam Tsui Fan

2010-02-01T21:57:00.004+08:00

I am sorry but I am not a Lady Gaga fan nor in any way do I like her music. Though of course you can't help but listen to them over the radio or in the mall due to her music's popularity. But when I saw this video of Sam Tsui singing a medley of Lady Gaga songs, I had to download all the original songs (Bad Romance, Just Dance, Paparazzi and Poker Face) and compare it with Sam's version. Watch the video:

I love his version! I am now a new fan! Youtube really is awesome. :-)

Michael vs. Gabriel

2009-10-18T09:28:00.004+08:00

Aside from blogging, kidnapping our neighbor's baby, singing in the bathroom, reading and experimenting in the kitchen, one hobby that I love doing the most is watching movies. I love era films, action, sci-fi and book adaptations and oftentimes critic if the film lived up to its book origin.

Anyways, I know of this one film that I would look forward to watching as it reminds me of this other Australian movie with the same plot but with the main characters playing reverse roles.

I would love to watch Legion, starring Paul Bettany, on the big screen January of next year.

The plot in the movie circles around humanity's apocalypse when God loses faith in mankind again, after the flood, and this time sends over His angels to exterminate our population. Then in his last-chance gambit, the Archangel Michael leads a group of strangers to a small diner to protect a young waitress, who may be pregnant with Christ in his second coming, from God's wrath.

What's interesting about the film is when Michael would face his fellow Archangel Gabriel, who was sent by God to do His bidding, in a fight over mankind. Seeing the trailer, I then remembered this Australian movie in 2007, Gabriel.

Gabriel is a supernatural action film set in purgatory where God will send His Archangels one by one to fight off the evil fallen to save the souls of its inhabitants. In the movie, Gabriel is the last Arc to reach purgatory after all Arcs, even their strongest Michael, have failed to defeat the fallen leader Sammael. He tries to look for the other Arcs and defeats Sammael's group of fallen but later on learns that Sammael was actually defeated by Michael who assumed the fallen leader's identity. Michael then tries to persuade Gabriel, his closest Arc friend, to join him and rule purgatory instead of taking orders from God. In the end, the war was between Michael and Gabriel.

What you should know though is that Michael and Gabriel are the most prominent of the angels, and are often mentioned together as the anonymous divine messengers cooperating in a task in the Bible narrative. Michael is made up entirely of snow and Gabriel of fire, and though they stand near one another they do not injure one another, thus indicating the power of God to "make peace in His high places." Michael is considered superior to Gabriel in rank and wherever he appears, the Holy Spirit is also bound to be found. Gabriel, on the other hand, is God's messenger on numerous missions and the constant defender of the Jewish people.

Although both films, even when Legion is not yet released, have been marked as cult movies because of their plots, I think beyond religion, we need to see the profound message both of the films brought us - Faith in the goodness of men. That Michael in Legion will sacrifice his seat in heaven for his faith in the unborn child and Gabriel in Gabriel, after defeating Michael, has brought light to purgatory and chose to "take a fall" and become a man to understand humanity.

Dark as both movies may seem, watching Legion and reviewing both films would be very entertaining.

Notice

2009-10-17T01:27:00.004+08:00

In case you are confused why this blog is a mixture of compositions in English and in Filipino, the answer is simple: for practice.

And when I say I love writing both in Filipino and in English, then it's just right to make use of both languages here. I am rooted to creating Filipino write-ups because I love my country so much and I know that we have the most poetic language ever. And I also write in English because it keeps me on my toes.

Best of all, I write when there's an urge. And when there's an urge, a tick in the brain, I'll never know of what words to use until I pen them down (err... or type them down). Who knows, maybe I'll write in French! - Yeah! I just wish! :-)

Kabit

2009-10-17T00:43:00.009+08:00

Sa isang talakayan sa Kasaysayan ng Pilipinas tungkol sa pagtataksil ng mag-asawang Diego at Gabriela Silang sa bayan, nabanggit ng aking propesor noong ako'y nasa unang taon sa Unibersidad na ang salitang "Utol" ay nagmula sa salitang "Kaputol" tulad na rin na ang pinanggalingan ng "kapatid" ay sa salitang "ka-patid".

Ngayon, iniisip ko, saan naman kaya nanggaling ang salitang "Kabit"? Meron din kaya itong malalim na pinanggalingan? Malalim nga ba ang kahulugan ng limang letrang ito upang ito'y makawasak ng pamilya, makasira ng pagsasama, makabasag sa pagtitiwala at minsan makapatay?

Sa kabuuan, ginagamit ang salitang Kabit sa isang karelasyon ng isang taong kasal na. Sa atin, madalas itong gamitin patungkol sa ibang babae ng ating asawa. Ngunit ano o sino nga ba ang tunay na Kabit? Bakit ito nagdudulot ng sakit?

Para sa akin, ang tunay na Kabit ay hindi tao lamang. Maaari itong bagay, pangyayari o isang pag-uugali. Para sa akin, ang tunay na kahulugan ng kabit ay kahit ano na magdudulot sa isang kabiyak ng lubos na kalungkutan. Tama, lubos na kalungkutan at hindi galit. Dahil ang galit at selos ay hindi dulot ng Kabit kundi ng kalungkutan ng isang taong nagdaramdam.

Isang halimbawa ay kung ang iyong asawa ay wala man ibang babae ngunit nawawalan naman ng panahon sa inyong pagsasama sanhi na rin ng trabaho, kaibigan o bisyo. Ang mga oras na ginugugol niya sa mga bagay na ito ay mas marami pa sa mga panahong dapat ay para sa'yo. May kulang - na alam mong kaya naman niyang punan ngunit sadya lang hindi niya nais. Para pa nga sa akin ang pagkakaroon ng ibang babae ng isang asawa ay hindi pagkakaroon ng kabit, ngunit ito'y proseso lamang ng "pangangabit". Ang Kabit sa sitwasyong ito ay ang malaman mong may mga bagay na ginagawa ang asawa mo sa ibang tao na dapat sana ay para sa'yo lamang o 'di naman kaya mga bagay na ginagawa niya sa ibang babae na hindi niya man lamang nagawa sa'yo. At dahil din sa halimbawang ito, hindi lamang babae ang maaaring maging instrumento ng pangangabit. Maaari ring lalaking kaibigan ng iyong asawa.

Hindi man malinaw ang aking paliwanag sa kahulugan ko ng Kabit, isa lamang ang aking alam - kung walang kulang sa pagsasama, walang Kabit. Hindi dahil perpekto ang iyong kabiyak ngunit dahil tanggap mo ang kanyang mga pagkukulang. At sa oras na alam mong hindi pala ito tunay na pagkukulang, huwad lamang sa iyong mata dahil sa ibang tao o bagay ay naibibigay niya, nag-uumpisa na ang pangangabit. Nagiging masakit at malungkot ang lahat. Matatanong mo bigla kung may pagkukulang ka ba, kung may mali ba sa'yo at kung hindi mo ba siya napapasaya. At pagkatapos nito, sisidhi ang galit sa sarili at sisisihin mo ang lahat at dito mag-uumpisa ang paggawa ng mga bagay na hindi tama, mga bagay na nakakasakit sa sarili at sa iba.

Sana sa kasaysayan, kung ang Kabit man ay hango sa salitang "Kakabit", naipinta ang salitang ito sa isang paraang maganda. Dahil tulad ng Utol at Kapatid, ito ay isang salitang nag-uugnay. At lahat ng nag-uugnay ay nararapat lamang maging mabuti at masaya. Hindi isang mabigat na kalungkutan tulad ng turing natin sa isang Kabit ngayon.

After the Flood

2009-10-15T18:39:00.009+08:00

"In the depths of winter, I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer." - Albert Camus

It has been weeks already after the typhoons hit the Philippines and left us with a high death toll and billions of pesos worth of damages. I don't pay much attention to the injury the floods caused us, my interest is on our gain - what we Filipinos got from this catastrophe.

By doing so, I have seen how this tragedy became a catalyst for unity and change. Yes, change. While we all know how we Filipinos are when it comes to helping our neighbors, I know of no other country who has this much spirit when it comes to rebuilding what was destroyed. When this nation is in trouble, all men and institutions (big and small) find their way to provide aide right away. I have no doubt that in a small amount of time, everything will be back on track again. However, this event will be the perfect means for change and a good avenue for awareness.

It is but human nature to find someone to blame when disaster strikes. But I strongly disagree with some groups wanting to prosecute water dam operators and local government units of flood striken cities. Let's face it, nobody wanted this to happen, most especially those who were directly involved and affected. And guess whose sector is most affected by what happened? Dam Operators and local government officials of the affected areas! I don't think it's morally right.

What I think is morally wrong though, in what happened, is the loss of the lives of those who went their way to save others. When I heard about the death of this military man who risked his life to save twenty before dying, I was mad - mad to find out that when they went to save other people, they entrusted their own lives to a rope... ONLY to a ROPE! Where the hell is our military fund??? I bet our National Defense fund would be worth Billions and we could not afford a decent life-saving equipment??? How ironic! There we were before watching that million peso ad of the Department of National Defense played during Manny Pacquiao's fight with Hatton telling us how to prepare when there's a calamity! The Department tells us how to be ready and yet they're not! Where were the rubber boats? Where were the cords stronger than the rope that dead soldier used?

On top of that, our Philippine Atmospheric Geophysical and Astronomical Services Administration (PAGASA) is not ready too. Instead of FORECASTING they were "NOW-CASTING" due to the lack of equipment to prepare everyone for what was coming. In 1998 the institute has laid out an action plan with new equipment requisition. But instead of providing them with these equipment - which includes Doppler Radar which estimates rainfall, wind intensity and tracks storms, the government only raised their salaries and supplies. Let's face it, our country, being tropical, is so used to having typhoons. I remember hearing about typhoon Ondoy coming to hit us days before it did and nothing, totally nothing, prepared us to the amount of rainfall it brought (which is greater than Hurricane Katrina's).

Above all, what the majority of people is missing here is the fact that WE are all culprits of everything. The events were just mere blows due to climate change and to think, we were supposed to be fortunate to have been given years to prepare before the typhoons happened. I remember watching The Inconvenient Truth, a movie about Global Warming, back in 2006. And even then, our neighboring nations would experience catastrophic natural calamities brought about by this phenomenon and I don't think anyone took notice of that considering what came about.

I am quite certain that this will definitely bring change to the country. After all, failure is not in the falling down but in the staying down. But whatever that change would be I know it may not totally prevent something like this to happen again, but I would be very hopeful that it will save more lives this time.

A Fresh Start

2009-10-10T19:15:00.002+08:00

I have always loved writing. To me, having a blog was just for leisure, a way to breathe out all the stress in this world. I wrote a lot, posted a few and now I'm thinking, having been blessed with a great home-based job now, I know I would have more time for this past time of mine.

Everything that's happening to me now is a fresh start. Family, marriage, spirituality and work. I am very grateful that I have stumbled upon a job that has it all - great pay, perfect schedule and best of all, I never have to leave the house. Are these good enough reasons to ditch my once day job? Hell yeah!

Imagine not needing to put on make-up early in the morning and dress up in formal clothing with high heels everyday. Then I don't have to stay in the office late for unpaid overtime and worry about the pressure of sales for all departments even as you sleep. No more office politics to juggle with having too many bosses with different attitudes and company objectives in mind, everything now is virtual and very professional. To top it all, I don't need to be away for out-of-town trips and bear with Management Committee meetings for hours (this one time, our Business Plan meeting went on for 15hours straight). I could be just right here, in our home, the place where I should be when the kids go to school and when they come home after a day's class, I would be here to cook dinner for them. And while I do all that, I don't have to worry about my brain being stuck up (that's what we all women say when we argue why we choose to work instead of being a plain housewife, that we don't want our brains to lose its edge). This job gives me all the challenges I need to keep my mind going. I'd have time on Saturdays to do house chores, check on my kids' assignments and do more stuff and even enough time to go to church every Sunday.

A fresh start. A new chapter. This means new entries too for this blog. All those political views, stream of prose and nonsense thoughts buckled up in my head will now find their way to be posted. So today, I pondered. Cheers.

Have You Ever? What Then?

2009-07-18T18:20:00.008+08:00

"He should sweep streets so well that all the host of heaven and earth will pause to say, 'Here lives a great street-sweeper who did his job well.'" -- Martin Luther King Jr.

Have you ever wondered what happened to your classmate in grade school who sang very much like Lea Salonga? Or have you ever tried flipping pages of your old yearbooks back in pre-school asking yourself if John the bully ever became the doctor he said he wanted to be? Have you salvaged your old high school paper of your graduation and reckoned if your valedictorian now has a Ph.D. degree in Biology? But perhaps we need not to look that far. Have we ever asked ourselves, did we become the person we once dreamed of becoming back as a child?

Well I have.

My yearbook in pre-school says I wanted to become a doctor someday to help save the sick and the poor. Only to find out that growing up I was never good at Biology and I often get scared of blood. Poof! There goes my ambition.

But that was just about my first dream. My second and stronger desire came in when I was finishing Grade school until early in my high school years. I wanted to become a journalist writing for a respectable publication. It was a long shot I told myself but not at all impossible. Besides, I know I have the skills. After all I was competing in writing competitions, national press cons and debates at that time. And as I finish my secondary education, this dream escalated to wanting to become the next Jessica Soho. I wanted to become a broadcaster. And back then when I was feeling all nationalistic, I envision myself fighting off bad apples in the government and advocating about human rights. Armed with that I became confident, ready even, to embrace this aspiration.

But then again I failed to realize that being a real journalist isn’t just about knowing grammar and memorizing the Journalist Creed but about being passionate, just, hardworking, responsible and brave. These are things you never learn academically. And these things never happen overnight. Reality is, even if I did come from a very good university, I won’t appear on camera the next day. You toil first into being an assistant or researcher for years before appearing on television. And even before you start as an employee, you need to face first the very stressful screening process of examinations and interviews. Add to that, you are competing against dozens of other hopefuls. These are people with the same dream as yours, who are also from reputable universities and some are even with cum laude tags on their resumes. And the best part of all is that there are only two positions open for all of you.

And so to cut the story short, I never became the broadcast journalist I once dreamed of becoming, I gave it up. Instead, I am now working for a car dealership of a well-known brand also hit by the global recession. I still write a few articles, a good stress–reliever for me, and post them here even if everyone else does it, even the ones who cuts and pastes someone else’s original write–ups, just to earn money through online adsense, kind of lucrative actually.

Now that I am working full-time as manager, I came to realize that even my day to day task is still about dreaming, though in management trainings we now call it vision - to envision an end and work on the means. The same is true in real life, we idealize on having a good living – nice house, stable job, happy family, quite easy to do actually, as easy as dreaming to be a doctor in Kindergarten, but the ways of achieving them is not at all simple.

We only have one life to live, and how we live it all starts with how we dream (visualize) ourselves to be. But more importantly, since we are the architects of our lives and all are conspired based on our experience, wants and needs, we can ask, who do we sell our brains to? That’s why in this world we live in we have jails for criminals (hopefully with a pack of corrupt officials being the worst of them) and monuments for heroes and saints. Our dreams dictate what role we want to play in society. And these roles, no matter how small or big, are what mold our humanity.

My grade school classmate who had that wonderful voice like Lea Salonga didn’t become a singer, although I’ve seen her before competing in singing contests on TV. I heard she went on to become a nurse. John the bully inherited their family’s business and became an entrepreneur. And our high school valedictorian hasn’t earned her Ph.D. yet and I don't think she ever would.

As for me, I dreamed to be a journalist and I’m selling my brain now to Chinese businessmen to sell cars. Though this blog allows me to be the so-called writer/journalist I wanted to be.

Finally, like me, you may have dreamed of being this somebody when you were young and turned out to be someone else. There’s always time – time to finally ask myself, what could have happened if I did get that journalism job at first…

What could have been if we all pushed on with dreaming and worked to achieve it? What then happens to society when all roles are played with passion and with zeal? When brains are sold according to innocent and simple wants? What then.

THEN TWILIGHT CAME TO NUMB AND TAKE YOU IN

2007-10-01T12:06:00.005+08:00

My friend in the mirror, this one's yours...

What's so amazing about this life is the wonder of waking up each morning, thinking ahead as to how your day would go and eventually be robbed of your amusement at the end of the day. The question blissfully starts with "What should I do?" and haplessly ends with "What have I done?".

But no matter how painful you look back at the perplexity of the situation, you can never hide the confoundness in you. And the more you shun your deliberate act, the more it will haunt you with the ones involved. It will overshadow you until such time you can no longer breathe and die with it.

You are now through with living in the past. You are now on your quest to speculate on the one constant thing we have in existence - change. Is it unfair to ask someone for tomorrow when the only thing of value to him is yesterday? Perhaps. But only fools would be daring enough to ask that.

The hell in living in solitude when at stake is your indifference. Unless he starts to truly value your worth then you'd rather live this life alone but in profoundness.

People don't die with the memory of what they have done in their past, but pass away with the remembrance of what they have done before they expire. True enough that history is meant to be remembered, but no history was ever conceived without a present and a future. Hence, you would rather have your subsistence worthwhile today and tomorrow. For just like any other yesterday, they would also pass.

Tomorrow, you shall no longer start your day with asking questions and be baffled but rather start it in waiting. Until that twilight, that state which separates your day with your night, would come to numb and take you in.

Until you no longer feel...

Until you no longer think...

Until you no longer ask...

Until you no longer live.

Pakikipanig sa Kaluluwa

2007-09-23T12:36:00.004+08:00

Sarili ang kaniig sa bawat panahong nagnanasa ng katipan
Ang panahon ng paghanap sa anuman ay lalong kawalan
Ninanamnam ang apdo, latigong sa katawa'y pumipilipit
Ngunit sapat na ang sarili upang makapalitang hinga at init

Sarili ang kasuyo tuwing hinahangad abutin ang kasukdulan
Pawis ay patuloy ang patak ka-ritmo ng ulan
Hinahagkan bawat saglit ng lubusang pag-iisa
Kasama ang sariling sarili at wala nang iba

Sarili ang kahingahan, sarili ang kalapit
Sarili ang kaisa, sarili ang kapalit
Sarili ang kaulayaw, sarili ang kasandig
Sarili ang kasayaw, sarili ang kapintig

Sarili ang pag-iral at sarili ang pagtatapos
Sa pagmulat ay sarili, sa sarili'y pagraos

Ang Bumulong ng Walang Mic sa Entablado

2007-07-28T13:00:00.003+08:00

Gaano kaya kasinsin
ang pagkakaayos
ng isang munting tinig,
sa kabila ng dagok
ng entabladong nagbigay sa iyo
ng malaking puwang
at ng madlang pinaingay ng katahimikan?
Ganito bumulong ng walang mikropono
sa entablado;
Buksan lahat ng kalye
mula sa iyong mga mata
patungo sa mata ng madla
at doo'y padagsain ng matulin
ang nagsisimbalayang ingay
ng mga sasakyan nito.
Padaluyin
ang sabik na sabik mong dugo
na gugulantang sa iyong katawan
at kakain sa laki ng entablado.
Ngayon mo basagin
ang ingay ng katahimikan.
Sa buo mong paggalaw
unti-unti ang bumulong
sa pagsang-ayon ng iyong damdamin.
kubkubin mo ng buong tapang
ang mga tengang walang laman,
at patayuin ang iyong tinig
sa tore ng pagkamulat...
...hanggang mabingi ang madla
sa ingay
ng ibinulong mong katotohanan.

Maureen

2007-06-12T18:07:00.002+08:00

Open-eyed,
you leave
your ivory-armed
existence
and take up
the red arms
of the revolution
Free,
like a rushing stream,
you make
womanhood
and
sacrifice
your vocation,
flowing forever
through the struggling masses
with the synchronicity
of trees and time.
Seduced by the call
of comfort and class,
Your thunder crashes
their distant echoes
in the mountains
of youth and age,
while the flag burns
scarlet,
rippling waves
of a storming war
in your heart.

A Constructive Speech

2007-05-28T12:17:00.002+08:00

(Our Constructive speech on the proposition “Resolved that absolute divorce be legalized in the Philippines” during the First Inter-University of the Philippines Critical Thinking Festival 2002 in UPLB)

The question of whether or not divorce should be legalized in the Philippines will always be debatable in our soil. In all their efforts, both the Congress and the Senate tried to have bills on this form of dissolution of marriage, had it passed and voted upon, but it proved only that more efforts were exerted by the Catholic Church to have it voided. And admit it or not, many Filipinos look at divorce in an unfavorable point of view.

Morally, we say that absolute divorce is IMPRACTICABLE because it breaks the holy rule being referred to in the Book of Matthew 19:6, “So they are no longer two but one in flesh. What God has joined, man must not separate.”

We also rationalize that absolute divorce is already UNNECESSARY in the Philippines since we already have annulment taking effect. Likewise we justify that divorce is unconstitutional in reference to Article XV Section 2 of the Philippine Constitution of 1987, “Marriage, as an inviolable social institution is the foundation of the family and shall be protected by the state.” Hence, why then should the state, as ‘protector of marriage’, execute a law that would dissolve this ‘inviolable social institution’?

And thirdly we say that absolute divorce is UNBENEFICIAL because it entails psychological and moral damage and emotional disturbance to the children needing to grow up in, if not parentless, incomplete or better yet broken family.

With the analysis of all these premises considering the materials in reference to the disadvantage of divorce, we then arrive at the stand that ABSOLUTE DIVORCE IS STILL PRACTICABLE, NECESSARY AND BENEFICIAL hence we say that absolute divorce should be legalized.

Here are our counter premises to complete the synthesis.

First, on the moral and divine issue regarding the impracticability of divorce, the Philippines, being the only Christian nation in Asia, need also to look into the Book of Matthew 19:9, “I tell you that whoever divorces his wife, EXCEPT FOR UNFAITHFULNESS, and marries commits adultery.” Should you notice the emphasis on unfaithfulness being the only exception to divorce your spouse it would then be ecclesiastically allowable to dissolve marriage only if it is due to infidelity which, mind you, is the only ground to grant absolute divorce.

Second counter argument is on divorce’s necessity due to the current implementation of annulment. Let us define annulment and divorce in legal civilly. Annulment is the dissolution of marriage by declaring it null and void because a flaw happened before the celebration of marriage (wedding) that is unknown to one of the couple. An instance would be homosexuality discovered after the wedding, thus the term null. On the other hand, absolute divorce is the legal dissolution of marriage due to a flaw taking place AFTER the celebration of marriage (wedding) yet limited only on one ground – INFIDELITY. Since the blemish of annulment and divorce happens on different sides of matrimony, one before and the other after, then would it not be philosophically and morally correct that man is never perfect and commits mistakes regardless if outside or within the vows of marriage?

Now constitutionally speaking, according to the book, The Constitution of the Republic of the Philippines Explained by Jose L. Nolledo page 200, “…Section 2 mandates that marriage shall be protected by the state, but this does not mean that no absolute divorce may be granted by Philippine statue. The protection here means its preservation whenever possible, thus our law leans towards the validity of marriage and its indissolubility but even the Civil Code allows legal separation and annulment of marriage.”

Finally on the issue of the benefits regarding the children being affected negatively, Ladies and Gentlemen, we must understand the fact that there can be ex-husbands and ex-wives but there can never be ex-parents. The foundation of the child’s growth lies not solely on the strength of the marriage. Deliberately, this is no longer an issue of good husbands and wives but an issue on responsible parenthood. Nevertheless, our constitution, as well as our laws, has already aligned appropriate regulations to vanguard the children’s welfare. You may therefore refer to Article XV, Section 3 No. 2 of the Philippine Constitution.

We’d like to end this debate with a challenging quote. According to Mary Pickford, “If you have made mistakes, even serious ones, there is always another chance for you. What we call failure is not the falling down but the staying down”.

Ladies and Gentlemen, with all of the premises, thesis and anti-thesis presented, we stand firm that absolute divorce is practicable, necessary and beneficial; therefore, absolute divorce should be legalized in the Philippines.

Eba

2007-05-06T18:28:00.002+08:00

Kung nanghanyuhay ka man mula sa tadyang
Naniniwala akong matatag ka’t matibay
‘pagkat sa tadyang na hinugot ni Bathala
naroon ang lakas at diwa
Ng Adan na sa iyo raw pinaghanguan
Ayon sa Banal na Kasulatan

Ngunit kung sa Adan ka nga nagmula
Bakit ikaw ngayon ang nagluluwal ng mga Adan?
Kung totoong marupok ka at mahina,
Bakit maraming makikisig na Adan
Ang sumamba’t sumuko
Sa taglay mong katauhan?

Kung ikaw nga’y bahagi ni Adan
Taglay mo din ang lakas ni Adan.
Di ba’t ang tapyas sa bato ay bato?
At ang kaputol na bakal ay bakal?
Kaya dahil si Adan ay tao
Tao ka ring may kakanyanhang dangal

Naniniwala akong ika’y malakas
‘pagkat bukal ka ng lakas
Sa kapwa natin pagsusulong ng digma
‘pagkat kapwa nating iniibig ang paglaya.

Pagsuko't Paglaya

2007-05-05T18:45:00.002+08:00

Hayaan mong kumulambo sa'yo
ang init ng nagpupulahang lalamunan
upang ika'y ihango
sa bulong ng mga ulupong
na nakangiti't mapagpanggap.

Hayaan mong kanin ka
ng lagkit ng aspaltong kalsada,
dumugin ng alikabok
ng mga bangketa
at busalan ng panghi
nitong maitim na imburnal.

Hayaan mong bihagin ka
sa rindi,
ng ingay ng mga yabag
ng sandamukal na mga paang
pudpod at walang humpay na gumagaod.

Unti-unti kang humakbang.
'Wag mong pigilan
ang halina ng pakikibaka.
'Wag mong pigilan
ang iyong paglaya.

Ikaw

2007-02-18T19:37:00.002+08:00

Ilang beses ka na bang naapakan?
Napag-iwanan?
Na sa bawat pagtakbo ng ilan,
sa pagmamadali ng karamihan,
ika'y nananatiling nariyan,
Nakayupyop, walang tinig kundi
ang pagnguyngoy
Walang nararamdaman kundi ang
luha mo sa malamlam mong mata
Na sa bawat pagkurap, kadiliman
Kailan mo igagalaw ang kuyom
mong kamay
O nais mo bang ihakbang ang
yapak mong paa
Nais mo pa bang ibuka ang tuyo't
mong labi
At sa iyong bibigay hayaang
mamutawi ang poot...
panaghoy...
hinagpis...
Na noon pa ma'y nais nang
kumawala sa iyong dibdib
Kasabay ng mapapait na alaalang
pumupunit sa pagod mong isip
Kailan?
Hihintayin mo pa bang takasan
ka ng ulirat
Ang dugo sa iyong mga ugat
ay matuyo
Ang hininga sa iyong bibig
ay mahinto
Hanggang sa ang panaghoy
mo'y lamunin
ng kadiliman ng itim na langit?

14 January 2002

2007-01-14T19:13:00.001+08:00

Maging ang pinakakarinding tunog
Ay may hatid na musika sa damdamin
Ang lamig ng hanging-amihan
Ay ligamgam na bumubukal sa puso

Ang payapang umaga ay may hatid na pag-asa
Sa pusong kay tagal ding naghintay
Ang ngiti sa labi ay di lumilipas
Gaya ng mga alaalang di pa rin kumukupas

Kahit ang rebolusyon ay hindi piging
Hindi libingan o karera
Ang pusong naglilingkod sa masa
Higit na ang tamis ng pakikibaka

Pag-ibig ay iuugat sa sambayanan
Ang ating tunay at matatag na sandigan
Gagabayan ng prinsipyo at adhikain
Hanggang sa tagumpay ay ating marating.